Aturan Berpacaran dan Hubungan Cinta Orangtua

Bagaimana orangtua menetapkan aturan berpacaran bagi anak-anaknya mungkin berhubungan erat dengan hubungan cinta mereka sendiri. Stephanie Madsern dari McDaniel College, Maryland, menemukan bahwa orangtua yang tidak bahagia, tidak puas, atau tidak nyaman dengan hubungan cinta dengan pasangannya juga menerapkan aturan berpacaran yang cenderung ketat.

Orangtua yang semacam itu juga seringkali mendikte anak-anaknya mengenai bagaimana mereka harus memperlakukan (calon) pacar mereka, perilaku yang tentu saja dianggap si anak sebagai sesuatu yang terlalu invasif dan akhirnya malah membuat si anak tidak nyaman berhubungan dengan pacarnya. Padahal, kata Dr. Madsen, niat orangtua tersebut baik, yaitu agar anak-anak mereka lebih bahagia dalam soal cinta daripada mereka sendiri.

clipped from online.wsj.com Parents who are involved in stable romantic relationships with spouses or partners tend more than other parents to set rules limiting teen dating behavior, such as curfews, minimum ages for dating, limits on places teens can go and explicit rules against sexual activity, says a new study of 169 parents and 102 teens by Stephanie Madsen, an associate professor of psychology at Maryland’s McDaniel College. Parents who are unhappy, dissatisfied or insecure in love, however, go beyond limits and try to dictate or control how their teens treat their dates, the study found. These parents try to influence their kids to value certain things and act in specific ways. The goal may be to launch their teens on a romantic path happier than their own, Dr. Madsen says. But kids often regard this advice as intrusive, and again, it tended to have the opposite effect. The teens affected weren’t particularly content with their dating relationships.